Nothing novel or insightful here.

I miss my therapist.

I went to him every week for over a year and then once every two weeks for another year. He was there for me through family troubles, friend troubles, cancer, and recovery. He knows my past. My issues with my mother. My special hurts and my proud moments. He has seen me cry, albeit not very often. And he has not only seen me go from only hoping that I could be healed and then knowing that I was, but he also helped me get there.

And now I am moving and whereas I might miss my local friends, I can still phone them or email them or see them on Facebook. But you just don’t do that with your therapist. He told me we could do a phone or Skype session if I ever needed to, but I don’t want to need to. I don’t need to.

I can’t go to him with every little problem anymore. These days when I am conflicted, I wonder what his advice would be and I can’t come up with it. That was what was so helpful about him, he came up with things I never would have thought of. Maybe because he was from a different generation, or maybe because he was a man, or maybe because he was an ENFP which is supposed to have a Pedagogue relationship with my type, INTJ. Or maybe just because that was his job and he was good at it.

At first I didn’t give him much credit. I thought I was doing it all on my own. I didn’t think he understood me, and I wasn’t sure I was really getting much out of our sessions. But I know I wouldn’t be where I am today without the counseling he gave me.

To be honest, it was nice to have someone whose job it was to listen to me and advise me and to be on my side. I didn’t think I would miss what I once considered an “artificial relationship”, but even though I was paying him, he did play an important role in my life. And now I am left to the rest of my journey without any “expert” opinion to illuminate the way. Oh well, it is time for me to move on and deal with life on my own, and with a little help from my friends.

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About Annamelle

I split my time between homeschooling and writing a novel. I'm interested in and inspired by fairy tales, Jung, Buddhism, myths, architecture, nature, etiquette, hidden histories, dreams, Emerson, old books, Gaiman, and legends. "Make the most of yourself....for that is all there is of you." — Emerson

Posted on August 27, 2011, in letting go. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I am curious: What do you think helped you realize you were getting something out of the counseling relationship, or when did you notice it?

    I have seen a lot of therapists since I was a teen, and I do go through times of thinking, “Geez, I am just paying someone to listen to me,” which feels like a waste. On the plus side: now if I am thinking of seeing a therapist/counselor I feel like I have fairly targeted ideas of what I want to get out of it.

  2. I guess, over time, I just realized that the useful advice that I wouldn’t have thought of on my own was adding up.

    I mean, just having someone sympathetic to hear me talk was nice and I probably got a lot out of that aspect of the relationship. But new ideas and novel ways of handling problems were the things that I appreciated the most. He also gave me a lot of confidence in my own way of handing things and that validation might be something else I am missing.

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