There was before, and after…

Ten years ago, I was changed.

There was the Before Me, and the After Me.

I am not the person I was in December 2001. There are elements of who I was that are a part of me now, and as time goes on, I reclaim more and more of the pieces of me from before that time that I want to claim. But there is still a huge chasm between Before and After.

He was tiny, born still at 22 weeks.

January 17, 2002. Forever changed.

I discovered strength that I had no idea was there. I discovered a drive to live and to feel joy again. I embraced parenting my living children, then 2 and 12, as best I could, while battling deep grief. I discovered what grieving looks like and feels like, and how important it is to be there for those who are hurting. I discovered how the internet can link us to others who are experiencing what we are, and in doing so, discovered an amazing group of mothers who were also grieving and we survived and thrived together.

I went on to have another healthy baby, 2 1/2 years later. That was and continues to be very healing. I discovered a lot about fertility and pregnancy loss (I also went through several first trimester miscarriages) and about how grateful we all should be for every healthy baby and child in our lives. It’s not as simple as it sometimes seems. I learned a lot about how to be sensitive to people around me who may be hurting quietly as they long for children of their own, or who may be grieving the loss of much-wanted pregnancies.

We just never know what someone else’s path has been…

What are some of the Before and After moments that have forever changed you?


About Tabby

Forty years of fabulous, and counting.

Posted on January 15, 2012, in changes, Children, grief. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. I, too, have a “Before Me” and an “After Me.” The “Before Me” lived in a life before a drunk driver killed our son. The “After Me” is the person who has had to learn to live without him.

  2. I’m so sorry for the loss of your son, Jason. Thank you for your comment. Having experienced the death of my son during pregnancy I can only begin to imagine the grief of losing a child after having him here to love for 19 years. May his memory be a blessing for you. And how strong you are for having learned to move forward, as best you can.

  3. I imagine that must be so much harder than a miscarriage (and those are hard enough!) I’m glad you were fortunate enough to be able to have another eventually.

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